"The Brothel"

"The Brothel"

The madam opened the brothel door in Inverness and saw a rather
dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early
fifties.

"May I help you sir?" she asked.

The man replied, "I want to see Suzy."

"Sir, Suzy is one of our most expensive ladies.
Perhaps you would prefer someone else" , said the madam.

He replied, "No, I must see Suzy."

Just then, Suzy appeared and announced to the man she charged £5000 a visit.

Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand pounds and gave it
to Suzy, and they went upstairs.

After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Suzy.

Suzy explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as
she was too expensive.

"There are no discounts. The price is still £5000."

Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Suzy, and they went upstairs.

After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again.

Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night,
but he paid Suzy and they went upstairs.

After their session, Suzy said to the man,
"No one has ever been with me three nights in a row.
Where are you from?"

The man replied, "Edinburgh."

"Really," she said. "I have family in Edinburgh ."

"I know." the man said. "Your sister died, and I am her Lawyer
She asked me to give you your £15,000 inheritance."

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer!

Lovemaking Tips For Seniors

Lovemaking Tips For Seniors  

1.. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2.. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 999 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

6. Use extra Polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7.. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.

8. Make all the noise you want.....the neighbors are deaf, too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!

10. Don't even think about trying it twice.  
.. .. .. . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .. .. . . ...
'OLD' IS WHEN... 
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN... 
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN... 
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN..... 
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN... 
You are cautioned to slow down by the  doctor instead of by the police.

'OLD' IS WHEN
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take a laxative today.

'OLD' IS WHEN.... 
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.

'OLD' IS WHEN... 
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

'OLD' IS WHEN.... 
You're not sure if these are facts or jokes. 

(I sent this in large type so you can read it)
3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 999 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

6. Use extra Polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7.. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.

8. Make all the noise you want.....the neighbors are deaf, too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!

10. Don't even think about trying it twice.  
.. .. .. . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .. .. . . ...
'OLD' IS WHEN... 
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN... 
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN... 
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN..... 
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN... 
You are cautioned to slow down by the  doctor instead of by the police.

'OLD' IS WHEN
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take a laxative today.

'OLD' IS WHEN.... 
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.

'OLD' IS WHEN... 
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

'OLD' IS WHEN.... 
You're not sure if these are facts or jokes. 

(I sent this in large type so you can read it)